The Legend of Captain Jackie and Captain Jaqulene
by QueenOfSparrabeth
Summary: BEHOLD THE RANDOMNESS! This is what happens when you let 2 Pirate obsessed freaks IM each other. Written by me and Dancerchick17. Rated k plus for some swearing.
1. THE RANDOM BATTLE OF DOOM!

A/N Me and my dear friend Dancerchick17 created this masterpiece while we were IMing… We thought you might enjoy it! My deepest apologies if it makes absolutely NO sense whatsoever.

Captain Jaqulene:(draws sword) BACK AWAY AND NO ONE GETS HURT! (laughes)

Captain Jackie: (draws sword) You think its wise, girl, crossing blades with a pirate?

Captain Jackie: (laughes)

Captain Jaqulene:(glares) Well since I'm a pirate too...yes!

Captain Jackie: (laughes)

Captain Jaqulene:(glares again) Stop glaring Sparrow and fight me like a man

Captain Jaqulene: (laughing)

Captain Jackie: (does some fancy trick with sword and knocks hers out of her hand) HAHA!!!!!!

Captain Jackie: YOU'RE MINE NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Captain Jackie: I HAVE DEFEATED YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

Captain Jaqulene: (kicks her to the ground)

Captain Jackie: MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Captain Jackie: (rolls over and kicks her back)

Captain Jaqulene: (grabs her sword and points it at her neck) now whos winning?

Captain Jackie: (grabs sword and holds it away from her)

Captain Jackie: (kicks it out of her hand)

Captain Jackie: (laughes)

Captain Jaqulene: (pulls her hair)

Captain Jackie: (does that flying thing with a rope like jack)

Captain Jaqulene: (does the same) her can't get away that easy...whoever you are

Captain Jaqulene:!

Captain Jackie: (pulls flaming sword out of nowhere like the whelp)

Captain Jackie: AWAY, HER FILTHY BILGE RAT!!!

Captain Jaqulene: (does some cool ninja like tricks and throws her to the ground, slaps her repeatedly) NO ONE CALLS CAPTAIN JAQULENE A FILTHY BILGE RAT!!!!

Captain Jackie: (runs away and sticks out tongue) THEN MY NAME IS NO ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Captain Jaqulene: (runs after her) I WILL NOT SAY HER THOSE WORDS BECAUSE PEOPLE WILL THINK I'M CRAZY!

Captain Jaqulene: AND YOUR NAME IS NOT NO ONE!

Captain Jackie: (draws sword again and holds it against her neck) HAHA!!!! Its MY ship now!!!!!!!!

Captain Jaqulene: BACK HERE HER FILTHY RUM SOAKED PIRATE!

Captain Jaqulene: (pulls out own sword) didn't know we were fighting over a ship...what's your name pirate?

Captain Jackie: CAPTAIN JACKIE SPARROW!!!!!!!!!

Captain Jaqulene: (does a cool backwards sword trick, fights her) JACKIE SPARROW? ARE HER MARRIED TO JACK SPARROW?

Captain Jackie: (fights back) YES AND HE SHARES MY BED!!!! SO HA!!!!!!!!

Captain Jackie: AND IT'S CAPTAIN!!!!!!!!!

Captain Jaqulene: (glares...fights her off) NOT LIKE I CARE...I'VE SHARED A BED WITH HIM COUNTLESS TIMES...SORRY HONEY...I THINK HES CHEATING ON YOU!

Captain Jackie: I DON'T CARE I HAVE HIS CHILDREN!!!!!!!!!! SO HA!!!!!!!!!

Captain Jackie:AND HES SEXY!!!!!!!!!!!

Captain Jackie: (does a cool flip)

Captain Jaqulene: (rolls eyes) IF HE WASN'T SEXY DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD HAVE SHARED A BED WITH HIM?

Captain Jackie: (kicks her)

Captain Jaqulene: (kicks back, pulls out a pistol) IF YOU KICK ME AGAIN, I SWEAR I WILL SHOOT YOU!

Captain Jackie: WELL IVE USED HIS JAR OF DIRT AS A SEX TOY!!! SO NYA!!!!

Captain Jackie:(pulls out pistol) NOT IF I SHOOT YOU FIRST!!!!!!!

Captain Jaqulene: THAT'S ACTUALLY VERY GROSS! (walks around her with pistol aimed and loaded)

Captain Jackie:(mimics her movements)

Captain Jaqulene: (grabs a rope and does another cool Jack rope trick)

Captain Jackie: (shoots rope so Captain Jaqulene falls down)

Captain Jaqulene:(lands on feet) NICE TRY JACKIE... (shoots)

Captain Jackie: (dodges and shoots back)

Captain Jaqulene:(dodges, and shoots Jackie...then pulls a little knife out of her boot...aims and throws)

Captain Jackie: (dodges and throws dagger, pins her to the wall by her shirt)

Captain Jackie: (holds sword to her throat) SURRENDER YOU MANGY CUR!!!

Captain Jaqulene:(grabs her arm...makes her drop sword) NEVER...NOT UNTIL I WIN WHATEVER IT IS WE ARE FIGHTING OVER!

Captain Jaqulene:screams, slaps her)

Captain Jackie: (yells) JAAAACCCCKKKK!!!!! THIS BITCH SAYS YOU'VE CHEATED ON ME!!!!!!!!

Captain Jaqulene:IT'S ONLY BECAUSE HE HAS...(slaps her hard) THAT WAS FOR CALLING ME A BITCH!!!!!

Captain Jackie: (bitch slaps her)

Captain Jackie: (punches her lights out)

Jack: (shuts them up w/ kisses)

Captain Jackie: (swoons)

Captain Jaqulene:(double swoons...reaches around Jack tries to punch Jackie)

Captain Jackie: (leads Jack to cabin, locks door)

Captain Jaqulene: (kicks door open)

Captain Jaqulene:(runs to the door and brakes it down)

Captain Jaqulene: YOU LITTLE BITCH

Jack: um... darlin'... I can explain!

Jack: threesome?

Captain Jaqulene: (runs at Jackie and starts beating the crap out of her)

Captain Jackie: (slaps both of u)

Captain Jaqulene: (turns and glares at Jack) NO I WILL NOT HAVE A THREESOME!!!

Captain Jackie: ME NEITHER!!!!

Captain Jackie: (slaps him again)

Captain Jackie: (turns back to punching her)

Captain Jackie: (kicks her in the stomach)

Captain Jaqulene: (stands up and kicks her to the ground..runs at Jack)

Captain Jackie: (gets up and pushes her away, runs into jacks arms and sails into the sunset)

Captain Jaqulene: ahem...I am still on the ship

Captain Jaqulene: (runs at her from behind picks her up by the hair and throws her overboard)

Captain Jackie: (grabs onto side of ship and pulls herself back on board)

Captain Jaqulene:(runs into jack's arms and they sail off into the sunset)

Captain Jackie: (pushes her out of his arms and starts making out with jack)

Captain Jaqulene: (pushes her away...and kicks her for good measure and starts making out with Jack)

Captain Jackie: (knocks her out cold and locks her in the brig, starts making out with jack again)

Captain Jaqulene: (wakes up brakes out of the brig) You forgot to lock the door! (pulls her off of Jack...throws her in a trash can and starts making out with Jack)

Captain Jaqulene: JACK IS MINE AND ALWAYS WILL BE

Captain Jackie: (wins the fight and jack)

Captain Jaqulene: OH NO YOU DON'T!!!!!!!!!

Captain Jaqulene: YOU WILL NEVER WIN JACK EVER

Captain Jackie: OH YES I DID!!!!!

Captain Jackie: HE MINE NOW!!!!

Captain Jackie: (cackles)

Captain Jaqulene: (Jack sneaks out of her house...comes to find Jaqulene and never sees her again ever)

Captain Jackie: (takes jack back and seduces him)

Captain Jaqulene: (Jack sneaks out to Jaqulene again...and she seduce him better than Jackie)

Captain Jackie: (banishes her to a place where jack can't find her and seduces him even BETTER than her)

Captain Jaqulene:(Jack finds her) Silly girl there is no where you can put me that Jack can't find me! (and he seduces her)

Captain Jaqulene:HA! BEAT THAT

Captain Jackie: (kills her)

Captain Jaqulene: HOW DARE YOU...OH WELL (Jack kills himself because he is sad without her and they meet in heaven and live happily ever after)

Captain Jaqulene: HA HA HA!!!!!

Captain Jackie: (brings jack back to life and erases his memory of Jaqulene, he proclaims his love for her and they live happily ever after and never see her again)

Captain Jaqulene:okay okay you win...for now anyway!

Captain Jackie: (laughes)

Captain Jackie: HA!

Captain Jackie: VICTORY IS MINE!!!!!!!!

Captain Jaqulene:Although Jack will always be mine...

Captain Jackie: NO HES MINE!!!!

Captain Jaqulene:How about this...we can share him and he can be ours

Captain Jackie: fine


	2. Setting the Rules

A/N Well as stated before this is completely random! But who doesn't like random sometimes? This chapter is not longer our IM conversation…this chapter are the rules made up by Captain Jackie and Jacqueline! So without further a due here is the next chapter…enjoy! By the way, Dancerchick17 wrote this chapter, the next one is going to be by QueenOfSparrabeth!

"Okay Captain Jackie, if we are going to do this we need to do it right. Let's get some rules for how this is going to work. First, we each get him on a holiday; so I get him on Christmas and Easter. You can have him on Valentine's Day and New Years. On his birthday we both get to spend part of the day with him. We also get to have him on our birthdays," Captain Jacqueline said while glaring at Captain Jackie, they were both sitting on the steps leading to the helm staring at Jack.

"Next rule, when one of us has Jack the one who doesn't cannot go anywhere near him. So on Christmas and Easter you aren't allowed to see Jack, the same goes for me on Valentine's Day and New Years," Captain Jacqueline added, while looking away from Jack to stare out at the beautiful Caribbean ocean.

"Does that sound fair to you, Captain?" She asked, standing up and looking down at the other Captain. "Yes, that's fine. So I guess I won't see you again until after Christmas, correct?" Jackie asked, standing up next to Jacqueline.

"Yep, that's right. You can go say good bye to him before you leave if you wish," Jacqueline stated; smiling while thinking about her how wonderful her Christmas this year was going to be since she had Jack all to herself.

"Thank you, I will go say good bye to him and be out of your way," Jackie said with tears in her eyes. She turned and walked up the steps to the helm where Jack was standing, staring out at the huge stretch of ocean before him.

"Oh Jack! I will miss you so much while you are away with Jacqueline. Please promise that you will think about me often while you are with her?" Jackie asked staring up and Jack's handsome face.

"I'm sorry darling, but the only woman on my mind while I be with Jacqueline will be her. Don't worry though, love, I'll be with you on New Years and we can make up for the lost time; don't forget me while I'm away with her," Jack said while walking down the steps and taking Jacqueline in his arms, holding her close to him.

Before leaving with Jack, Jacqueline looked up at Jackie and pulled Jack's face closer to her in order to give him a passionate kiss on the lips. Jacqueline then smiled devilishly and walked off with her handsome pirate Captain.

A/N Well I hope everyone enjoyed that as much as I enjoyed writing it! Review please…. and PS all flames shall be ignored! Queenie and I are just doing this for fun; it's not supposed to make sense! Well thanks for reading!


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